25 November, 2010


I've had this post in my head for MONTHS, but here I am, with a towel on my head, trying to get it posted before I leave to collect the girls (who had a sleepover at Grandma's last night). It's pretty personal, but somehow it seems appropriate for me to document this memory in this space.

This morning my husband gave me this sweet bouquet of flowers from our garden (they're pretty battered and bruised because it's been pretty wet here this week). Mainly it's all about the gardenias (ah, their perfume!) because today it has been TEN YEARS since I gave birth to my second child, Caitlin, who was born still.

And on the day of her funeral there was one perfect gardenia in our garden.

The quilt we were given in the hospital - THANK YOU GENEROUS QUILTERS - it has a little bit of her cord blood on it, which I'm crazy happy about, and a sweet tiny teddy a friend made for her.
She's moulded our lives for the better in ways we would never have known about, had she been able to stay. I now understand more and love more, but as anyone who has known grief knows, sometimes it sneaks up on you and you have to go with it. She's definitely made me a better, softer, mother.

So thank you Caitlin, darling child of mine.


  1. Oh Anna, what a beautiful and sad post.
    Thinking of you and your beautiful baby girl.

  2. Thinking of you, your family, and your darling Caitlin today xx

  3. Sending you the biggest hugs today (and everyday) You are in my thoughts lovely Anna xxx

  4. Love to you and your family on this special day. xxx

  5. Thinking of you Anna. It's so lovely that you have a beautiful gardenia as a symbol for Caitlin. I'm glad you chose to remember her with all of us together.

  6. Well, I love you every day, as you know, but I'm thinking of you today. I wish I had had a chance to meet Caitlin and that we could have helped you through that sad time. I'll buy a gardenia the next time I planting.

  7. It just doesn't seem like 10 years since the playgroup, the scan, the phone call, the first visit to see you with the one that should have ben Caitlin's friend, the 30th with the announcement of the next bit of loveliness in your life and the ensuing years and babies and adventures. Caitlin gave you a lot in her very short time. Love to you all....

  8. That is truly beautiful

  9. A beautiful post and one that brings a tear to my eye.

  10. Just saw this ... am glad I did. I know you've mentioned Caitlin to me before. Every child is worth 'the world', no matter how long they are on it.

    Love to you ... She's waiting for you with patient, open arms ... but you know that.


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